Life in the Blue

I recently returned from yet another Vegas bachelor party. Clint waved goodbye to his single lifestyle of living the dream in Minneapolis. No more will he be held up in a one bedroom apartment in Chicago, where the microwave sits adjacent to the couch. No more will he wake up at noon on a Saturday and head straight to Williams for a day of college football and keg beer. He will no longer survive off Uncle Ben’s Ready Rice and Champs Nachos. Soon, he will forget how sweet beer tastes in the wee hours of the morning while taking in Gophers - Badgers on the Duece.

We have had a good history of sending those who are leaving the single lifestyle off in honor, and this was no exception. However, it got me thinking. At the tender young age of 28, I have been to Vegas several times in life. While the hours of booze and cigars have likely shaved a few years off my life and the late night gambling sessions have sped up the receding hair line, I have taken a lot from Vegas as well. I’m not talking about a few bucks from the blackjack tables or complementary buffets, but rather lessons for life. You learn little tidbits of advice in Vegas that can be applied to your life as a whole. Without further adieu, I believe that everything I needed to know in life I learned from Vegas:

Wash your hands before you eat. After handling casino chips and money, your hands are a breeding ground for disease second only to the three month old editions of Good Housekeeping they have at the doctor’s office. If you don’t want to spend the rest of your Vegas trip praying to the porcelain gods in your bedroom, wash your hands before you stick them in your eyes, ears, mouth or nose. It only takes a second, and I promise the crab legs will still be at the buffet when you get back. Wash your hands, don’t get sick.

There is no substitute for a good nights rest. The ‘just because you are in a different zip code’ theory doesn’t apply to your body. Your body always needs things like sleep, food and water. And vegetables.

Watch for Traffic. It only takes one angry cabbie who just got a 35 cent tip from four, 21-year-old dudes wearing $150 jeans and flip flops to not see your drunk self stumbling into the crosswalk. Let’s keep our stick on the ice out there.

One is enough for everyone. Or in other words, if one of something is good, it doesn’t mean 10 of that thing is better. This can be best illustrated by the oft abused Vegas drink, the vodka red bull. This is a concoction invented by the drinking industry to mix an overpriced ‘energy’ mixer to cover up the gut wrenching taste of well vodka. While on a 20 hour gambling/clubbing binge, one of these can really give you the extra energy to feel like you stayed at a Holiday Inn last night. Two is maybe doable. But three or more and you are likely to wake up in your bathtub with your heart pounding on your chest with the force of Carlos Zambrano haymaker. One will do nicely.

Set Goals. And stick to them. Everybody needs goals in life. In Vegas, you aren’t going to win $1 million playing $10 hands of blackjack. If you think this you fall into category A (see below). Set an achievable goal, and once you get it, time to move on.

Set limitations. And stick to them. No more than one ATM trip per day. Take out what you can afford to lose, and that’s it. If it’s still early and you are out of money it means one of two things. A)You suck at gambling and you should quit, or B)You have no concept of budgeting or money, quit now. Either way the best plan from here out is to take $20, give your wallet to your buddy and go check out the pool and sip on a Red Stripe. Never compound ignorance with stubbornness.

Always warm up. Sometimes you have to start slow. In baseball, if you don’t warm up you will have a pitching career that resembles Kip Wells or Byung Hyun Kim. In Vegas, don’t blow all your money in the VIP pit before checking out some of the smaller tables and getting some of the casino’s bank roll. If you don’t you could see yourself relegated to the bullpen for the rest of the trip. Just like you heard in the backseat of a ’97 Ford Taurus after prom, ‘Let’s take things slow to start.’

Be nice. Don’t hit people, and leave your guns at home, son. For those of you who missed the Pacman Jones entourage treating Vegas as their own personal shooting range on NBA All-Star weekend, just be advised Vegas is no place to play tough guy. For that matter, playing tough guy all the time won’t get you very far either.

Play fair. If you don’t know what I mean by this, check out the movie Casino. You don’t want to be the one they catch marking cards, or you could end up in a hole in the desert.

Karma is King. Have fun at the tables, tip your waitresses and dealers and be friendly. Even Earl figured out karma. You’d be surprised how much better it will be when you are having fun instead of trying out your new ‘system’ at the tables. In life, what goes around comes around.

There is no such thing as a system. The casinos love the systems. They were built on people with systems. You think you have one? I don’t even have to hear it and I can tell you it will work for about as long as America was in love with Hanson. No one ‘earns’ money gabling. If a stranger tells you this, stay away from him. If it is a friend, do him a favor and take his wallet.

Smile. Good things happen to happy people. Even if you got punked at the tables for three straight days, smile. Have a good time, be happy, and make the best of it. No use crying over spilt milk.

There is no such think as luck. Luck is where preparation meets opportunity. There are no lucky people. People who are perceived to be lucky simply see opportunities and seize them.

There is more to life than money. There’s a lot more to do in Vegas than hit the tables. Check out a show, hit the pool, do some shopping or hit a club. Most importantly, spend time with the people you went with. That is the reason you went in the first place, and when you leave the lost city in the desert, they are probably all you will have left anyway. See more pictures here.

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Some of you may remember my post on a day in the life of Mike Redmond. It becomes all the more true now, after he said this.

Looks like Mikie won’t be going deep for a while. And speaking of, did anyone see Morneau hit one off the right field baggie last night, coast into second and almost get thrown out? I bet he told the second baseman that he didn’t get all of it.

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Anyone watching the tournament outside of Missouri or Tennessee last night missed one of the best games of the tournament. No one got to see the game until CBS finally decided that their favorite sons, the Blue Devils, were hopelessly out of the game. Shameful to have missed such a good college basketball game while they pander to the Dukies.

Speaking of, here is an idea for CBS. In the first and second rounds, start the games 30 minutes apart. There is no need to have the games all start at the exact same time, thus ensuring that you won’t get to see other games and resulting in a mad flipping between games at the end while Greg Gumblecakes pronounces the names of the cities where they are taking place wrong. (Shi-CAUG-ow) How has it taken so long to come up with this? It will allow for more people to see more games, and should not cut down on the valuable commercial time. In fact, if done right, it should increase it. Not to mention they could increase viewership because it will fit the different time zones better. Consider that free advice CBS.

Tonite we are in store for more pandering. If Coach K is CBS’s favorite son, Blake Griffin their cousin. He annoys me and here’s why. When you watch him, he allegedly keeps getting “undercut” because he goes up for rebounds without his legs under him, and he leans over people. The other players are either going to undercut him, or he’s going to fall down. But either way, he’ll get the call. He also constantly grabs people and falls down, drawing fouls, and making them look bad.

The announcers of course miss that fact. The common announcer call is “Oh wow, Blake Griffin sure is taking a beating!” When they should say, “Oh wow, Blake Griffin just ran up and jumped into a heap of well positioned players and fell down.”

Finally, if he hung on the rim in my face and dangled his mouth guard out of his mouth like he does against everyone, I would undercut him so bad that he broke both his arms.

He is also the player that they constantly have to show his parents on tv each time Oklahoma does something good, bad, or insignificant in any way. And look at his parents. His mom is a big time ginger and his dad looks like Montel Willaims.

Don’t believe me? Here is a drinking game you can play tonite. Each time Griffin ends up on the floor, take a drink. Each time they show his parents, take a shot. You better have plenty of booze on hand, you will be wasted by halftime.

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Time for the 2009 bracket projections from someone who is not just a talking head. I know I am better at this than you Joe Lunardi. My predictions are below. We are on the record.

Last four out are Auburn, St Mary’s, Creighton and Arizona. Much love to all.

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Dear readers, I apologize for my silence lately. I have been on a brief 2009 tour. Fresh off a trip to the homestead in Minnesota, I loaded up on trips to Des Moines, Kansas City, St. Louis, some city in the Northwest that we don’t talk about at parties, Key West, and of course, Las Vegas. The future still holds another trip (or two) to sin city, one to Wisconsin, Oklahoma City, and frankly, wherever my blessed little heart will take me.

One might think that I love to go visit different places. Which, I do. However, this last trip was a solo flight to Vegas, part for conference and part to just do whatever it is that I do. But while trolling the streets, I learned something…

Dr Seuss engaged the mind of young readers with his book Oh the Places You’ll Go!. Today is your day! The places of mountains and birds and high fliers…

The book talks about visiting all these exotic places and the sights you will see. And I got to thinking, why would I want to visit Des Moines? Why, for the next 45 years, will grown men travel in 7 seater planes to a far reaching island in the keys? I mean, how many times do we need to get slightly less drunk at the same 3 bars on a 2 mile long island. Are we really going to travel to Stillwater? Would I really travel to the great state of Minnesota if Marga and Curtie weren’t there to host?

The answer lies not in looking at the places, but rather the people you share the trips with. When doing this, trips become not a place you went to, but a period of time enshrined as your history of what makes up who you are.

I found myself turning around and saying “Where is his bag?” or “We need to get Vertical” and “That’s what she said!” But sadly, the words fell silent, lost in a crowd of suits straight off the rack from TJ Max. There was no “And on Thursday,” or watching the sun come up from your cab ride home or people being asked to leave the casino. At 8 pm.

Sure, I hit all the regular spots. Sushi at Ah Sin, Miami Vice’s at the pool and my beloved Studio 54. I caught a streak of good cards, caught a hot roller backscratcher, and Studio didn’t disappoint. Editors Note: The winner was – Off strip or not in a hotel.

But without anyone to make them shared experiences, they were just not the same. There was no one to listen to my jokes, exhausting stories and three pronged examples.

In short, when the trip ended, I couldn’t help but feel, well, incomplete. So, Mr. Seuss, I suggest it is not the places you go, but rather the people you’ll see.

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As many of you may know at the close of 2008, Plus1 Marketing will be joining forces with our sister company. Or maybe it is our cousin company. Or maybe it is a company that our company felt up once.

At any rate, we are now left the task of filing papers to become employee #172, and seriously, not everybody knows your name. But some of us will always be wild horses. No corporate rules or regulations for us, thank you very much. My partner, revered friend and esteemed colleague summed it up nicely in his farewell. The word behemoth has never been used more appropriately than in this article.

Any attempt by me to try to sum up 4 years of Plus 1 history would be trite at best. It is impossible to find the words to describe the business ventures we’ve tried, people we’ve met and travels we’ve had. We truly have grown together, and as we get ready to close this chapter of our history, it bears repeating: You have all been a part of something special.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas has always been my favorite Christmas tradition. We had our annual Holiday slosh fest in St Louis weekend, where I tried to sum it up. The following is an attempt to help embrace the change. Because although change does not necessarily assure progress, progress itself requires change. Enjoy.

Every Who Down in Whoville Liked Plus 1 a lot…
But the brokers, Who worked just east of Plus 1, Did NOT!
They hated Plus 1! Their big flat screen tv!
Now, please don’t ask why, what the reason could be .

It could be our heads weren’t screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that our jeans were too tight.
But I think the most likely reason of all,
May have been they were jealous, us so handsome and tall.

Whatever the reason, our heads or our jeans,
They stood there that day, hating us acting like teens,
Staring across from their work stations, with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At Plus1 getting ready, to go out on the town.

For they knew every Who, over at Plus1
Was getting ready to go out, and hit a home run.
“And they’re ironing their shirts!” they snarled with a sneer,
“They’ll pillage the town, and they’re practically here!”

Then they growled, with their Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“We must find some way to stop Plus 1 from coming!”
For tonite, they knew, all the Who girls and boys,
Would stay out all nite, and bring a boom box for noise!

Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
Consumers they are, a never full beast.
They would feast on their sushi, with sake and beer.
Something they do, two, three four times a year.

And then they’d do something they liked best of all!
Off to the pub, narf and flip cup for all.
They would stand close together, those thin, sexy people.
They’d start making a list, of things for poor people!

And the more that they thought of this whole Plus 1 fling,
The more the brokers thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”
They thought of bottles of vodka, and the two boys who kiss.
Wait a minute now, “who’s tailgate is this?”

Then they got an idea! An awful idea!
The brokers got a wonderful, awful idea.
“I know just what to do!” they laughed in their throat.
And they made a quick bar outfit, with a hat and a coat.

And they chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grinchy trick!”
“With this hot v-neck sweater, I look just like Burcheck!”
“All I need is a wingman…” The Grinch looked around.
But what’s his face was gone, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the brokers? No! Nate Long simply said,
“If I can’t find a wingman, I’ll hire one instead!”
So he called his brother, Kaleb. From his F-150, Red
And took that camo hat, off the top of his head.

Together they loaded up, for their nite on the town.
Off the 4-wheerler, we’re taking them down!
Then the Broker said, “Giddap!” And the truck started to roll,
“I’ll foil their plan! To get drunk and troll!”

All the bars were all packed. Loud music filled the air.
All the Whos were all drinking, had a pants party without care.
But finally they came to the first little pub on the square.

“This is stop number one,” Grandpa B said of the nite,
“I’ll take a water and diet, and then 2 bush lites.”
Bryan crowded around. Looking for a nice catch
“This is where we should have, our next boxing match?”

But it was time to do work, Bryan and Jay off to the floor
All the fine ladies, were hard to ignore.

They got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then they tried an old trick, they already knew.
“Dance close to me,” Bryan heard that Jay say
“We won’t creep them out, they’ll just think we’re gay.”

Then over came Nathaniel, with a smile most pleasant.
“This place must be made, for all of the pheasants!
County Fairs, Rust and Uno! And those above ground pools!
TV Tray’s, mending Pants, and following the rules!”

The list had begun. Nate Long thought he was slick
I can still get Plus1, to fall for my trick.
Then he slunk into the bar. Kaleb in tow.
They thought they could stop, this goat rodeo.

Plus1 cleaned out the icebox, of Michelob Lite
Scotch Rocks! Nathaniel said, to start off his nite
Then they poured a round of shots, smiling with glee.
A tribute to From, Goldenrod numero 3.

But B-rye and Jay, were back on the prowl.
When they heard a small sound like the hoot of an owl.
They turned around fast, and met this small Who!
But Nate B just said no, and rated her a two.

Then off in the distance, our watchdog named Dipps
Saw the Grinch coming, but he sealed his lips.
He stared at the Grinch and thought, “Nate Long, now, why,”
But Brant started flip cup, that silly bald guy.

But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“I was hunting a deer” Nate Long stood there and said
“I had him in my sights, but then he just fled.”

“So you guys have your party, Studio 54 style.
I’ll find my deer, and make it worthwhile.”
And his fib fooled old Dipps. Then he patted his head,
“Drink your beer, or your coffee, but don’t go to bed.”

From Plus 1 The Grinch tried, to just take it all
Sega, state wars and even their new 4 square ball.
He took Brant’s Christmas music, nothing got passed.
He event took Nate’s picture, of the whole Full House cast

But his last trick was harsh, I can’t even bare.
He left a used Kleenex, sitting on SDK’s chair.

On his way out, he made one last mistake
He spilled Mitch’s drink, all over Mitch’s waist.
His woman thought he peed, so she called his friend Scott.
“He wet the bad again last nite, does he do this a lot?”

Three miles back, to the MRC lot.
Nate Long never thought, he was going to get caught

“PoohPooh to Plus1!” he yelled from the top
Then this reminded Brittany, of her smell mop.
Because that was our Britts, fooled she wouldn’t be
I y k w I m, a I t t y d

“Their nite’s almost over, and I know just what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry BooHoo!”
“That’s a noise,” grinned Nate Long, “That I simply MUST hear!”

So he paused. And Nate Long put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.

See the Grinch made an error, in his devilish plan
He forgot what was left, was there when they began.
With no trailer or bus, it just didn’t matter
They still had their skills and of course all the banter.

So he hadn’t stopped Plus 1, or their big game!
Somehow or other, they were still just the same!

So Nate Long turned to Kaleb, said “Lets blow this party off.”
And with their victory complete, and without even a cough.
Plus1 looked at each other, and Bryan, he led.
“Nice try there old Grinch, but That’s what she said!”

So welcome Plus1, come on this way
It’s been a great year, and you’ve earned this day.
Our future is bright, no matter the name
We still have our team, and of course we have AIM

And thanks to the Grinch now we all agree
That Plus1 will always be,
just so long, as we have we.

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It is great to work for a company that really knows how to share the love. The VA Mortgage Center Scholarship Program has awarded over $25,000 in scholarships to college students in the ROTC program, and sons and daughters of Veterans.

Today I got to meet Alicia Swartz and present her with a check for $1500. She is a student at the University of Missouri, majoring in Photo Journalism and enrolled in the Air Force ROTC Program. She plans to graduate and be commissioned in May 2010. As part of this program, I was able to achieve one of my goals of finally presenting someone with a really big check, Publishers Clearing House style.

VA Mortgage Center.com is a provider of VA Loans in association with the VA Home Loan Program. Their VA Home Loan Specialists work with thousands of families who are eligible for VA Loans, to help find a solution to finance their homes.

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Quick supplemental list of things to brighten your day. These come from the Riot Act.

• Happy Hours
• Specials at Bars
• Laundromats
• Sprint to Sprint Voice Connect Calling
• Gap
• Ergonomic Keyboards
• Daily Planners
• Mountain Dew
• Jettas
• Filing Things
• Keeping Tax Records
• 5 dollar footlongs

Short list but l I have to go head to the laundromat after work. I always sneak in a few beers at happy hour across the street. There are some sweet specials there.

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The best part is who they were released to.

While the Minnesota Gophers season came crashing to a close last Saturday, two people were able to find something to occupy their time. For even the spectators, there had to be action somewhere besides what was going down on the field.

They were able to find it. Minnesota police said approximately 15 people observed “the action” going on inside a men’s bathroom at the Metrodome.

According to a report filed by University of Minnesota Police, the crowd had gathered to cheer on a couple “having relations” in one of the stalls.

The very astute detective flagged down a police officer after he saw two sets of legs occupying the handicapped toilet stall. He was able to put 2 and 2 together after noticing that their pants and underwear were down around their ankles.

The officer arrived and managed to separate the two. A 38-year-old female and the 26-year-old male, both in town from Iowa, were cited for indecent conduct before being released, respectively, to their husband and girlfriend.

Congratulations to the Golden Gophers on the 2008 edition of their season. Enjoy your post season trip to the only place colder than Minneapolis. A luxurious get-a-way to Detroit, for the Motor City Bowl.

:: :: ::

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The 2008 edition of the tailgate season has mercifully come to a crashing close. Massive wind and extreme temperatures tried to keep us away on Saturday, but it was not the case. The last 3 months have seen 6 home tailgates, a trip to Lincoln and Austin, 2 bowling parties and now it is being closed down with a quick Vegas outing followed by the KU game in KC. Finally, may it rest in peace.

Before we bid adieu, I wanted to post some highlights of the 2008 season.

• Power Hour(s)
• Mitch swinging the bat
• The Bonfire
• Beer Olympics
• Jay Falling down 3 times on the way to his car
• Getting the green cord
• Ace & Gary T-shirts
• Brittany’s Hair
• Partying in the Lexus
• Sleepovers
• “Why is he all wet?”
• Tweeting
• Lighting the bag on fire
• Bottles of Chopin vodka
• Tammy & Abby hitting the bottle
• Distinguished Guests
• Nate’s Boombox
• “That’s what she said”
• Gas Flavored Burgers
• All Business (AB)
• The satellite repair man (And that guy duct taping it to the sign)
• Getting lost in B-Rye’s Hair
• Licking Joe’s Pants
• Announcement of the Flip Cup Finals
• Finally, who could forget The Great Sunglasses Fiasco of 2008

Feel free to leave comments with your own. In the words of my closest most personal advisor, only periodic trips to Vegas will allow me to tolerate the off season. View some more pictures here and here. See you at the Pacific Life Holiday Bowl.

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