Life in the Blue

We have a guest blogger in the Blue today. A red head transplanted from Husker Nation to the Northland. Take it away hombre.

I’m turning all Twins gear into the dome at Noon tomorrow. Let me know if you have any remaining items at your parent’s house, and I’ll stop by and take it off their hands for you.

I’m going to buy an Angels hat, maybe a Brewers cap as well. Because it’s all over. Its been a good run. Back to back to back AL Central titles to flat on their back to another title to flat on their back again. It was a nice run, one ALCS appearance, multiple first round flame-outs, and two mid season disasters, sprinkled with retarded signings such as Tony Batista, Jeff Cirillo, and Sidney Ponson. Maybe they couldn’t resign Hunter, I tried to understand.

Editor’s Note: How much longer are we going to buy this ’small market’ BS the Twins keep giving us? That they are a small market team so they can’t afford to keep players. Anaheim isn’t even the most popular team in their own city and they were able to get Hunter. The Twins dominate a 5 state area and can’t keep him? I don’t get it. Sorry for stealing your thunder. Back to the red-headed step-child.

But trading the best pitcher of our era for 4 unproven minor leaguers is where I finally decide after much consideration, that I cannot support this team any longer.

How can you not get a proven player in this deal to plug a hole on your leaky roster? I’m not asking for a super star like Jose Reyes or David Wright, although neither should have been out of the question. We could of had Melky Cabrera, Troy, Bucholtz, Jonathan Lester or Jacoby Ellsbury. Instead we got two Puerto Ricans and two beer league All-Stars. I’m absolutely at a loss. I’m out.

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Had the company Christmas party this weekend. Delayed by snow to late January so everything was nice and festive.

Like all things Christmas Party, it was dangerous. Sushi dinner at the Drunken Fish, good times at the Dubliner. At one point I was attempting to get one of our under 21-year-old employees into a bar. Mind you that 10 other people from our group had already entered and were in the process of spending copious amounts of cash on vodka sprites and Georgia peaches. I offer the bouncer $20 to get this guy in. And he responds with “Twenty bucks? Or my job?” And won’t let the dude in.

Never mind you that this place was a lawlessness cesspool of under 21-year-old, too hot to trot Central West Enders. But this guy made it seem like he was giving up his long time career. There are only two possible outcomes. A) No one will care and you make $20. B) There is a less than 1 percent chance someone does care. You make $20 and you have another bouncer job what, tomorrow? I mean it isn’t like you have worked your whole life to have the prestigious career of a bouncer. Those jobs are a dime a dozen. So how wise was he really in choosing risking the one percent chance someone would care for $20. I say not really.

I need to get one other thing off my chest here. How on Earth did Andy Defrese get a zip-lock bag in Shawshank Redemption in the 1950s? Remember when he crawls thru the sewer and comes out in the lake with his clothes in the bag? What technology existed in this time period to keep his cloths bone dry? I am fully convinced that Red was a man who could get his hands on anything, but a zip-lock bag? And then there was that part where they are worried Andy will hang himself and the one guy says “I got Andy 6 feet of rope.” Don’t you think this would have been the opportunity for Red to tune in with “I got Andy a zip-lock bag.” I swear this is the most ‘How does no one ever notice this’ event in a movie of all time.

Anyway, happy Monday. Apple Bottom Jeans…Boots with the fur…

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I cannot live in world where Eli Manning and Tom Coughlin are in the Super Bowl. Eli Manning will give that deer in the headlights look after he throws his third interception. Coughlin will be yelling at him like “I told you not to throw it to the other team!” It will be horrible. I decided the only way to get thru it will be to get drunk so I invented a drinking game for it:

Every time Eli gives you the look like he is unclear if he is at a football game or shopping at the mall, everyone drinks. Also, if you are the first to spot Coughlin standing with his clipboard, one knee bent and hands on his hips with the look of bewilderment on his face, you get to pass out a shot.

The New York Giants are the most stunning Super Bowl team in my life. There is not one of you out there, for all of you who are geniuses, who thought that the Giants were the best team in the NFC until Sunday, on the last play of the game. There were blown out in their first two games. The Cowboys crushed them. The Packers beat them in the Meadowlands. The Vikings clobbered them.

Really, the most exciting part of the season for the Giants was a loss at home to the Patriots. How did the Giants get here? Can’t we blame the BCS. Maybe we can blame Global Warming.

I wanted Packers Patriots. I had the game all planned out. Now I get a game I saw a month ago? If any of the presidential candidates can pass a law to keep the Giants out of the Super Bowl, they have my vote. The patriots now have two weeks for a team they already beat, on the road. I love the Patriots in that one. Print it.

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Is there some new policy in the NFL that when you have the ball on the 1 yard-line you have to throw a fade to the corner of the end zone?

I see it all the time now. Same thing on the two point conversion. These teams that run, run, run all the way down the field, get one yard away, and then feel like they have to run one of the hardest plays in the book to get the touchdown. Every team does it. I just don’t get it.

I saw it in the Jags - Steelers game just this weekend. My friends and I were at the pub when late in the 4th with Pittsburgh down by 5, they get 2nd and goal at the 1. I look to my friend and say, “Welp, I guess this is where we see the fade to the corner of the endzone.” Sure enough, the next two plays are Roethlisberger looking to throw the fade.

As a side note, when did Ben Roethlisberger become known simply as “Ben?” No other player in all of sports gets called only by his first name. Watch when he plays, all the announcers, namley Al Michaels, will say “Ben drops back to pass?” I guess they are on a first name basis.

Anyway, luckily for the Steelers, the Jags commit a penalty on one of the fades so they get first and goal still at the one. Run up the middle. At what do you know, easy touchdown. I don’t know why they couldn’t have run that play 3 downs ago, but whatever. But then sure enough, on what turned out to be the game-losing two point conversion, what do they decide to do? “Ben drops back to pass…”

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All I have heard is about how the Detroit Tigers are going to go 162-0 this year. Because of their big trade with the Marlins. I don’t really see it, so let’s talk about the Tigers trade.

This notion that Dontrelle Willis, who had a 5.5 ERA in the National League, you know, pitching to pitchers, is going to be so great, I don’t get it. I mean I can’t wait till he faces the Yankee lineup. His ERA might be like 8.

The keystone of this trade was obviously Miguel Cabrera, who everyone wants to say is the next A-Rod. But he is 24 years old and looks like he ate A-Rod. So you have that coupled with Edgar Renteria, who is getting kind of doughy. I think AL teams should spend like $100,000 per game when the Tigers come to town on the visiting clubhouse post game spread. And they should start setting it up before the game. With like steak and lobster, and copious of beer and deserts.

Cabrera will just be salivating and saying to Edgar “Oh my god Edgar. Did you see that cake?”

And they will be completely lost all game. They could have a guy in the clubhouse with a fan, basically blowing the aromas onto the Detroit bench all game. They wouldn’t know what to do. The two of them will weigh 275 by the all start break.

I mean I guess it’s good to get Cabrera out of South beach, because I don’t think the night life in Detroit is equal to that in South Beach. So if he’s been livin’ it up and is putting it on that way, you know, with 3am Waffle House runs after a night at the club, it’s probably not going to be like that in Detroit, which is why you need the post game spread.

I basically want to hear stories of Gary Sheffield trying to physically restrain Cabrera from the buffet with a baseball bat. “Hey Miguel! Enough. No more cake!”

So I don’t know, that might work, and if it doesn’t, I don’t really care. I just think that would TCB, you know, Take Care of Business.

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One of my sites has recently launched a new section, military stud or dud. In order to kick that off in true fashion, I thought I would host my own stud or dud on the old blog here. Without further adieu, walk with me thru the NCAA mascot stud or dud contest.

Stud: Bucky Badger - University of Wisconsin-Madison. First things first, I am a big fan of not wearing pants, and apparently so is Bucky. He is clearly a stud on campus, and like me, he likes to party with his pants down. Probably when he is not busy at the club, he is busy chasing chicks up and down the streets of Madison with a stick. This is the kind of guy who walks into a bar with a 6-pack belt buckle, “just because he can.”

Dud: Green Wave Riptide – Tulane University. What the F is this? This guy looks like he came over from the Island of Misfit Mascots. Not only does his beak make me think he is some sort of pelican, which is totally not intimidating, his lack of feathers makes me think he is balding. He only has them on his head and arms, and they look like dreadlocks. Not to mention sweats under shorts are a big time fashion no no.

Stud: USC Trojan – University of Southern California. First, anyone on a white horse is straight up sweet as far as I am concerned. Second, anyone wearing a gold helmet with a gold sword is going to be a stud. I might start wearing a helmet and bringing a sword to work every day. Keep the people at bay. Not to mention every time their marching band plays that sweet fight song he just stares down the other team’s sideline and thumps his sword at them.

Dud: Goldie the Gopher - University of Minnesota. Let’s get one thing straight. You can’t just stick a color in front of a lame word and expect it to become sweet. It’s still just a Gopher. He looks like he belongs in an advertisment for soft kleenex. Not to mention the fact that a smiling gopher with buck teeth is not going to strike fear in anybody. Well, maybe Brownie the Koala Bear.

Stud: Cayenne the Ragin’ Cajun – University of Louisiana-Lafayette. The name alone is enough to be a stud. He looks buff and he clearly whitens his teeth daily. Then he has the cool wavy hair that basically says, “I’ve done a little modeling, but I don’t like to paint myself with that brush.” I bet if this guy were a real person, he would wear one of those sweet Tom Brady “Whoops I accidentally forgot to shave for the last three days” beards all the time.

Dud: Super Frog – Texas Christian University. McLovin! Is that you? Seriously though, The Horned Frogs? Is that supposed to imply that you lived in sweage so long you started growing horns? And I am supposed to be impressed by this? Here is how I see him introducing himself to me. “Hi, I have horn growths all over my head, neck, face, chest, arms and legs. Chicks dig them. Better yet, I am a frog, so that is super sweet. I am slimy, gross and live in swamps because no one wants to be anywhere near me. I wear these all black army issue tennis shoes. Got them on sale at K-Mart. I meet lots of girls there too.”

Stud: The Mountaineer – University of West Virginia. I don’t know from which mountain this guy climbed out from behind, but I wouldn’t want to be there. To put it this way, if I came home to find him with my girlfriend, I would probably go get him a glass of water in case he got thirsty. I mean the beard says it all. That is the most fierce beard I have ever seen. Basically, you go to the No Pants Dance Formal with the cute and cuddly Penn State Nittany Lion, then you go park with the Mountain Man after.

Dud: The Quaker – Pennsylvania University. Are those goggles? Is he going to go swimming at the football game? This person just looks like the Old Maid. Imagine Bucky Badger and this lump of clothing standing next to each other at mid court. No contest. Essentially, one of the highest regarded universities has chosen to represent itself with an old dude wearing goggles and some sort of scarf. Don’t forget your life jacket buddy.

Stud: Monty – University of Montana. Any person or thing on a motorcycle has my vote. Basically, this is a bear that looks at soft cuddly ones like UCLA’s Golden Bear or the Snuggle Bear and says, “Seriously?” He has a bandana and a leather jacket that just scream, “Yeah, I’ve done some time in prison.” I mean this guy looks like he smokes a pack of reds a day and does Quaaludes until 2am.

Dud: The Rattler – Florida A&M University. Apparently you are the only chick mascot in all of men’s sports. I cannot support this. Nothing against women’s mascots. I’ll get behind the Lady Volunteer anytime. But this is supposed to be a snake and it is wearing a dress. Barf. It’s not really even a mascot, but I guess more of a cheerleader wearing green and orange. Why don’t you go slither into something a little more comfortable.

Stud: Smokey – The University of Tennessee. He is wearing an orange tuxedo. This is awesome, if I had an orange tuxedo I would wear it every day of my life, exclusively, no matter the occasion. He looks like he is about to light up a cigar and throw some craps in Vegas. And I don’t support the dog mascot usually. Too many dog mascots that look like McGruff the crime fighting bulldog. Smokey, get yourself a cane and a top hat, a woman on each arm, and you are a stud.

Dud: The Sun Devil – Arizona State University. Woah! Check out that Mexi-Stash. And wow look at those pearly whites. That’s the biggest, whitest smile of any mascot I think. Looks like you are way too happy about something. The fact that you are supposed to be a devil gives this some credibility, but I think even the devil would find time to shave his pre-pubescent mustache in the morning. Particularly if he were going to get his picture taken.

Stud: Sebastian the Ibus – University of Miami. Really this is a tough one. First, your name is awesome in and of itself, so you get a few points there. That’s like guys named Bruce. They get a few extra points in life. The problem is you look like Daffy Duck, and I don’t even know why you are a duck. At least you are a mean looking duck. Maybe it’s more of a push.

Dud: Joe Vandal – University of Idaho. I am sorry, but this guy looks like he got hit in the side of the face with a shovel. His face is lopsided and his eyes look like he has been on a heroin bender for at least the last 3 to 4 days. I don’t even know what that is supposed to be on his head. It looks like it might be a hard hat, but it would be about three sizes too small. Maybe he is supposed to be the construction worker from the Village People. At any rate, this guy will be home alone on Friday nights practicing pretending like he is shooting a bow and arrow apparently.

Stud: The Scarlet Knight – Rutgers University. First, once again anything on a horse is bad ass. Second, I don’t know if you have ever seen this guy run around at games, but he acts like the drunkest person in the state of New Jersey. And if you have ever visited the state, you would know this is no small feat. He never stops all game, and basically has a “Yeah, I’m drunk, what are you gonna do about it” attitude. Not to mention that any drunk guy armed with a javelin, sword and horse should be feared.

Dud: The Rainbow Warrior – University of Hawaii. Roid Rage anyone? I mean basically you have a topless dude in a green cape. I have never seen a man wearing a cape in general or a green one in particular that I thought was a stud. And is that a banana on your head or are you just happy to see me?

That’s all folks. Don’t forget to vist the new site and vote for your own studs and duds.

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I work for a local business and frequently use hiremizzougrads and other career services that the University of Missouri proudly offers. We are often looking for college students or recent graduates to fill positions within our company.

Every time we post a job, we are flooded with great candidates for the position. I respond to them via their Mizzou webmail, and wait anxiously to meet them. However, many times there is one snag. “Mail from um.umsystem is temporarily unavailable. Please try again.”

Students go to Mizzou for four years, with hours of studying, test taking and work. They sit thru countless lectures on the importance of great resumes and interview techniques. They do internships, volunteer and network, all with the hope of someday landing a great job. Yet, here is their opportunity, and their email is not working correctly.

Being a Mizzou graduate this is really no surprise to me. I remember the frustrations of dealing with webmail, IATS and its employees. I remember days of sitting in the computer labs, having problems with my work, and then having to deal with someone who probably wouldn’t be smart enough to throw water on me if I were on fire. Generally they would provide no advice, resources or help, stare blankly and tell me to restart the computer. So, generally speaking, other than the fact that they had no computer knowledge or training whatsoever, they were very helpful.

The point here is that despite the countless time, money, resources and energy devoted to helping Mizzou students get jobs after college, the single most important tool flat out doesn’t work.

So this year, take a small percentage of the career services budget and overhaul webmail. Hire at least one person with the knowledge of how to run an email service. Allow Mizzou students the opportunity freely send and receive emails to prospective employers that don’t get lost in the abyss of the deep corners of the Internet. Surely, if we all work together, this could be fixed.

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.

Sincerely,
Bryan Rahn

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An interesting study was released today by some researchers from the University of Chicago. That’s right, from the fightin’ Flames of the Horizon League. The study consisted of surveying people from a variety of professions and determining their happiness at work.

There were two categories, satisfaction (this would be like your fulfillment from coming to work everyday) and happiness (how happy you were at your job everyday.) The bottom of the list wasn’t very surprising, low skill professions like waiters, labors and handlers seem to have some unhappy folk. You could probably throw in Hardee’s burrito maker and local donkey trainer in there as well.

However, the top results were somewhat surprising to me. Check out the percent of people in these professions who say they are very happy with thier profession.

• Clergy—87 percent percent
• Firefighters—80 percent percent
• Physical therapists—78 percent percent
• Authors—74 percent
• Special education teachers—70 percent
• Teachers—69 percent
• Education administrators—68 percent
• Painters and sculptors—67 percent
• Psychologists—67 percent
• Security and financial services salespersons—65 percent
• Operating engineers—64 percent
• Office supervisors—61 percent

Strangely, it seems that my fellow SEM’s and I were left off the lists. Surely we have to be happier as a group of people than say, painters, physical therapists or office managers. What is an office supervisor anyway? Is that like the real life Bill Lumbergh? And financial services salesperson? Is that like a life insurance salesperson? I thought that’s what ended up happening to people who flunked out of college from snorting too much coke before breakfast.

So, by all means, let me be the first to conduct the SEM’s happiness at work survey. Leave a comment or post on your blog 3 things –

1. How would you describe your job satisfaction? (Very Satisfied, Satisfied, Indifferent, Dissatisfied, Very Dissatisfied)
2. How would you describe your happiness at work? (Very Happy, Happy, Indifferent, Unhappy, Very Unhappy)
3. Estimate what percent of SEM’s that you know would be in the very happy range.

I will gather the results and publish them later. Let’s see if we can’t at least beat out security salespersons. But hey, maybe I am wrong. I have been hearing lots of rumors that Lumbergh is going to be doing a little “housecleaning” around here. So then I could end up as a clergy (no, I would want to smite people all day) or firefighter (no, I can’t even open a can of pickels). I’d have to be an author. I don’t think that the human race as a whole can go on without knowing my memoirs.

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For those of you too excited about the upcoming SES conference in New York to pay attention to the world around you, I wanted to share something with you to help keep you up to date on this internet world we work in.

Recently, a very clever individual posted an anonymous political advertisement on YouTube. The ad is a spoof of the famous 1984 Apple Super Bowl commercial announcing the release of its Macintosh computer. The 1984 ad is credited with forever changing television advertising.

The Hilary Clinton YouTube spot depicts Clinton as big brother, promoting conformity among the masses. Human drones watch until a female athlete races into the room and smashes the scene. It ends with a play on the text from the original 1984 Super Bowl commercial, claiming that 2008 will not be like 1984, a reference to George Orwell’s book, 1984. Finally it ends with the web address http://www.barackobama.com at the bottom. The commercial is so clever, the athlete in this 2008 commercial is even wearing an I-Pod.

As a disclaimer, I am not trying to share or support any political ideal or candidate with this post. This specifically relates to the way the internet has changed the political landscape.

This commercial exemplifies the ever changing online environment. Time magazine’s person of the year this year was “You.” A decision made by the editors to signify the user generated content sweeping the internet. From YouTube to MySpace to blogs to LifeInTheBlue, the game really has changed. Anyone with a computer and internet access can post articles, pictures or video to promote their views on anything they so desire. Great. The free exchange of ideas and the first amendment protect anyone from fear of persecution based on their own personal beliefs or opinions.

The individual who created the ad ended his silence on the Huffington Post Blog, by saying. “I did it, and I am proud of it.” He was identified as Phil de Vellis, an employee of the firm handing Obaba’s campaign, Blue State Digital. Unfortunatley, de Vellis was not granted protection for his cleverness. On his post, it says he resigned, but other reports say “Blue State Digital has separated ties with this individual. Mr. de Vellis has been terminated from Blue State Digital effective immediately.” So it is pretty clear to me he was given about the same options as embattled Minnesota Golden Gophers basketball coach Dan Monson, after leading the team to a 9-21 campaign this year: Resign or be fired.

It is important to note that DeVills made the commercial on his own time over the weekend, using his own equipment. There was no reference to Blue State Digital in the commercial he created. The company had no idea that he created the ad, and neither did any of thier clients. Still, for creatively voicing his own opinion, he was canned.

Unfortunately, I am afraid perhaps 2008 is more like the book, 1984. To me, his firing represents that indeed, big brother is indeed always watching. People are not free to voice their opinions as they please.

DeVills ends his blog with – “This ad was not the first citizen ad, and it will not be the last. The game has changed.” It has indeed changed, and it’s time to get with it. While I realize that De Villis worked for the company handling Obama’s campagin, the sentiment is still there: Do whatever you want, as long as it is exactly what I say.

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March is the best time of year. The weather warms up (it’s a balmy 70 in heart of the Missouri Valley today), the birds are singing, people are in a good mood, and it stays light well into the evening hours. I still believe in going on Spring Break and St. Patrick’s Day is a National Holiday. Finally, a nation wide sporting event second only to the Super Bowl provides all Americans with a popular past-time everyone can participate in. Just when everyone is in a good mood, corporate American finds a way to ruin it.

Every year during the first week of the NCAA basketball tournament, there will be a plethora of studies released saying “The NCAA Tournament costs employers several billion dollars or more in lost productivity.” Basically you can insert any number for the dollar value you want and someone will claim it’s true. The theory is that employees stop working to participate in (heaven forbid) something fun, such as an office bracket pool. The lost high quality work time will result in corporations being sent to the poor house because their employees can’t possibly handle a distraction at the office.

The phenomenon is strictly subscribed to by those in corporate America’s management. The following is just a sampling of headlines warning about the black hole of productivity that is the NCAA tournament. “Workers Take Break for NCAA Tournament”; “During NCAA Tourney, Bet on a Loss in Productivity”; “Chore a Bore, What’s the Score?”; “Will Tourney Hurt Businesses? You Bet”; “March Madness Fouls Out With Bosses”; “Madness Dunks Productivity”; and “NCAA Cuts Into Workers’ Output.”

So I get it. Every once in a while the enjoyment of life manages to sneak into the workplace and corrupt the cubicle walls that surround the working man’s 9-5 daily life. So what happens? In most cases, workers receive about the same liberty as 5-year-old who stole a cookie from the cookie jar.

For example, my sister (who knows about as much about basketball as I do about fashion) tried to access the site our friends use to enter their bracket. Upon doing so, her internet shut down and flashed ’site forbidden - work is for working.’ Forbidden? Wow, that’s pretty serious. My dad, who has worked for the same company for over 25 years cannot access any sites regarding sports during the tournament either. What does he do to combat this you may ask? Well, last year he though that it was so dumb that after 25 years he couldn’t even look up a box score that he sat in his car for the entire afternoon in the parking lot, listening to the broadcast on the radio. Now that’s lost productivity.

How they come up with their estimate is about as junk economics as in comes. In concocting this lost-productivity estimate, they don’t acknowledge that personal time is built into every workday. Workers routinely shop during office hours, take extended coffee breaks, talk to friends on the phone, enjoy long lunches, or gossip around the water cooler. It’s likely that NCAA tourney fans merely reallocate to the games the time they ordinarily waste elsewhere. Likewise, many office workers who don’t complete their tasks by the end of the day stay late or take work home.

Finally, the fear that millions of workers will waste time watching the games live for hours at the office is groundless. More than two-thirds of the games are played on weeknights or weekends, when very few employees are at work. In addition, there is plenty of evidence that people experience reduced interest as the tournament progresses, and are back to the daily grind not a day after it started.

So let’s get real here. Employees need to be happy. If your employees hate their jobs, your company will not be as successful. The lost productivity from disgruntled workers far out weights the lost productivity from someone looking up a box score online, or talking about the performance of the local squad in the tournament with co-workers around the water cooler.

And let’s keep this in perspective. In many European countries, workers miss basically the entire summer, sometimes they go home during the day for naps.

So just relax. You won’t lose a billion dollars, unless your employees go sit in their cars the entire afternoon. March is a happy time of year for all of us, and let’s keep it that way. Come Thursday evening this week, I plan to be sitting with the windows open, enjoying the spring time air, sipping on a cool Bud Lite, while the sound of Jim Nantz and Billy Packer bring a smile to my face…

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