The Mizzou Tigers hosted SE Missouri State this weekend. As such, the first edition of the 2008 tailgate kicked off in style. We had a good turnout, but it can be better. And I heard that reactor was just ‘crazy’ this weekend, so I felt the need to list reasons why you need to be at our tailgate.
Keg Beer. They have been outlawed by the University, BTW. But special permission was granted to this group. When I left my last band house party circa 2004, I never thought I would again drink keg beer from a plastic cup. But it just tastes so good when it hits your lips.
Meeting the neighbors. I love it when old men wearing deck shoes, short shorts and black Mizzou socks come over to debate the upcoming season. It’s like leaning over the white picket fence and talking to the neighbors about where the paper boy is throwing the newspaper when he delivers it.
Throwing money into things. Maybe it is all the mortgage brokers in one place, maybe it is a need to fend off any poor people who might wander by. But nothing feels as good as tossing a quarter a distance of 8 yards squarely into the bottom of a plastic cup. Now give me the cream of wheat.
Outdoor bathrooms. There is just something manly about this.
Mizzou football. (Yes, apparently there is a game going on too.) For 4 years of my life I was forced to sit thru the entire game of 20+ point losses to the likes of Bowling Green University. Not such is the case anymore. If you haven’t seen the 2008 edition of the Missouri Tigers, you need to. I was told this Jeremy Macklin fellow is the most electrifying player in college football history.
The playlist. No matter what song comes on, as soon as it starts there will be instate debate over if it is awesome or sucks and who picked it and why. Unless of course Nate picked it, in which case it is the coolest song on the list.
Our Spot. Never mind the fact that the university has decided to remove almost all actually grassy areas for tailgating. Never mind Brant doesn’t sleep all nite because he is worried he won’t get to the parking lot in time. We have the only spot left at Mizzou that can handle the spectacle that is our tailgate, and we dominate it, well.
Visiting Dignitaries. You never know who will show up. Parents, old friends, new friends, Folks from Atlanta, Nebraska, Minnesota, Limbergh High School, I could go on. Some people travel across the country for birthdays, reunions and weddings. Not us, we have people who make the journey to Columbia to sit in a parking lot for 8 hours.
Waking up drunk and starting drinking again. Properly hydrated of course. It’s great because you don’t get hungover. I’ve seen people show up to the tailgate in a taxi for crying out loud. That’s just how we get down. (Editor’s note – Arguing over who was more drunk the nite before is also a fav.)
Debating if we need more beer. Fact – The tailgate has never “run out of anything” ever. Except maybe gasoline to power our Wii Bowling. Discussing if/when we will run out and how we will deal with this ‘tragedy’ makes my day.
The people. Despite the fact that we require a trailer, tv, wii, games and copious amounts of alcohol for all of us to tolerate each other for the day, it is good to have the crew together. The Goldenrod 5 is always well represented. Even people who don’t like each other get happy at the tailgate. I am pretty sure I saw Jay and Donkey even smile at each other once.
Bandanas. How often do you have something catered? Let alone in a parking lot? I should have known that the Empire would never settle for simply grilling burgers and brats all day. That is more like an appetizer for this crew.
Watching a HD television outside. It doesn’t even matter to me what is on. Never again will I be trapped inside the walls of my castle like a pheasant to watch the pigskin. And no AM radio either.
The events. Have you ever seen a young executive wearing a bunny outfit? A ‘best of seven of a best of 7′ flip cup tournament? Being told by the police that No, you may not start tailgating at 10pm – Now get back in your tent? Or how about Clowns Mouth Stickers? I could go on. But if you want to experience the thrill of riding a blazer down a hill, you need to be there.
Tail – G – 8. You know what I mean. You might end up here and be on one of those fancy websites.
So I know you have a nice little Saturday planned to go to Home Depot and then Bath and Beyond, if there is enough time. But make it out at the crack of dawn, and you won’t be disappointed.
